I'm worried about my family. It feels like we're fighting a never-ending battle. When things are going right, something inevitable happens to send all plans to hell. My mom can't find a job, my dad has lost all his job connections by moving south, my sisters barely have enough food. I feel the pressure to make everyone's life right, although I know I can't and don't have to. It's the story of my life, I've spent so much time and effort taking care of everyone I don't know how to let go.
It's especially hard to talk to anyone about this, because no one seems to understand. When I talk to my roommate about it, I feel like I'm talking to an alien. One who has no concept of what it means to grow up on this world poor. No clue of what it means to struggle to make sure that everyone is fed, and bills are paid. She has no clue. I don't think she understands why it's so hard to let them survive on their own. My sole purpose for going to school, for choosing the career that could get me into the job force the quickest, was to support my family. I didn't want to be in that same position I was as a kid, where you know what's needed but not how to supply it. Now I'm in a place where I can help. But at the same time I'm not saving and investing like I should be, like she is.
I can't cut the strings.
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